‫- PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD...
‫- JAKE SAID HE LOVED ME. ‫- YOU LEFT JAKE HANGING?
‫- YOU KNOW WHAT ‫HER RESPONSE TO ME WAS?
‫"AWESOME." ‫- OOH.
‫- WE KNOW YOU WERE ‫IN LOVE WITH MATTY.
‫BUT WHEN DID YOU KNOW? ‫- AFTER WE HAD SEX.
‫- OKAY, YOU HAVE ‫TO HAVE SEX WITH JAKE.
‫THEN YOU'LL KNOW. ‫- IT'LL BE WORTH THE WAIT.
‫I PROMISE.
‫- FROM AN EARLY AGE, ‫I'D BEEN PROGRAMMED
‫TO DREAM ABOUT MY WEDDING--
‫WHAT I WOULD BE WEARING,
‫WHO I WOULD BE MARRYING, ‫AND...
‫WHAT KIND OF DEBT ‫I'D BE INHERITING.
‫'CAUSE, LET'S FACE IT, ‫THE MATRIMONIAL BUSINESS
‫WAS A RACKET,
‫AND MY MOTHER WAS A SUCKER ‫FOR A GOOD PARTY.
‫I'D BE PAYING THAT [bleep] OFF ‫TILL I DIED.
‫BUT IT WOULD BE WORTH IT, ‫BECAUSE THE DAY WOULD BE...
‫- CRAP! I FORGOT MY CUTLETS!
‫- CONSIDERING ALLY'S PAST,
‫I NEVER EXPECTED HER TO BE ‫A TRADITIONAL BRIDE.
‫- FOUND 'EM.
‫- SHE WAS MORE ‫THE DRIVE-THRU CHAPEL TYPE.
‫- HOW MUCH YOU WANNA BET HER ‫DRESS IS GONNA HAVE CUTOUTS?
‫- [mouth full] ‫20 BUCKS.
‫- 50.
‫- IT'S NOT GONNA BE OBSCENE.
‫IT'S GONNA BE SPANDEX.
‫[all giggle]
‫[romantic music]
‫[all gasp]
‫*
‫- YOU LOOK STUNNING.
‫- AND YOU WILL TOO.
‫BECAUSE...
‫I BOUGHT YOU ALL ‫YOUR DRESSES.
‫- I LOVE IT.
‫- I'M NOT GONNA THROW UP.
‫- YOU DID A GOOD JOB, AL.
‫- ALLY HAD REALLY ‫TURNED A CORNER.
‫SHE SUDDENLY HAD STYLE, ‫CLASS,
‫AND GENEROUS SPIRIT.
‫- I HAD YOUR DRESS ‫SPECIALLY MADE.
‫- I GUESS PEOPLE REALLY COULD ‫ESCAPE THEIR PAST.
‫- WHAT? YOU'RE NOT ‫A BRIDESMAID.
‫YOU'RE THE FLOWER BITCH.
‫- BUT CLEARLY, ‫I COULDN'T ESCAPE MINE.
‫[typewriter clacking]
‫[thud]
‫- THERE HAS GOT TO BE ‫A WAY TO TONE THIS DOWN.
‫SUGGESTIONS? ‫- PUT ON A HAT.
‫- WHAT'S THAT GONNA DO? ‫- HIDE YOUR FACE.
‫OKAY, ‫LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE.
‫YOU'RE IN A WEDDING.
‫IT'S GONNA HAVE FULL BOOZE BARS ‫AND DIRTY OLD MEN
‫TO SNEAK YOU DRINKS. ‫- NOBODY'S GETTING ME A DRINK
‫LOOKING LIKE ‫A FIVE-YEAR-OLD.
‫- EVERY FAMILY HAS A PERV.
‫- AND, KNOWING ALLY,
‫HER FAMILY WOULD ‫HAVE MORE THAN ONE.
‫- SO MY MOM'S CRASHING ‫AT THE HOTEL,
‫WHICH MEANS TONIGHT ‫IS GONNA BE THE NIGHT.
‫- PROJECT BONE IS IN EFFECT? ‫- YEP.
‫- WITH MY LIFETIME ‫SUPPLY OF PROTECTION...
‫I'M READY.
‫BUT MAYBE ‫WE WON'T DO IT HERE.
‫I SHOULD PREPARE ‫FOR SPONTANEITY.
‫WHERE AM I GONNA PUT THESE?
‫MOM, I NEED A PURSE.
‫- LOOK AT THE ONES ‫ON MY BED.
‫- YOUR BAD TAN LINES ‫ARE LIFTING.
‫- I KNEW THAT MORON ‫AT THE SALON
‫USED THE WRONG SKIN TONER.
‫LIL' BITCH, ‫GET ME MY SIPPY CUP.
‫- SIPPY CUP?
‫- I NEED MY JUICE!
‫- AND A CHEESEBURGER.
‫ALLY HAD BEEN ON A CLEANSE ‫FOR OVER A MONTH,
‫WHICH HAD TAKEN HER FROM ‫BRIDEZILLA
‫TO BRIDESASTER.
‫- I'M GETTING NERVOUS.
‫- WHY? ‫- IT'S MY BIG DAY.
‫- WELL, I'M HOPING ‫THAT THE WEDDING
‫WILL REKINDLE SOMETHING ‫WITH KEVIN,
‫WHICH IS WHY I GOT A ROOM ‫FOR THE NIGHT.
‫HE IS A SUCKER ‫FOR HOTEL SEX.
‫[giggles]
‫- LACE, PUT THE FAN DOWN.
‫KEVIN'S NOT COMING. ‫HE R.S.V.P.'d WITH REGRETS.
‫- REGRETS? ‫WHAT KIND OF REGRETS.
‫- THE WEDDING KIND. ‫FRICKIN' RELAX.
‫'CAUSE GUESS WHO'S ‫SINGLE, HOT,
‫AND STILL HUNG UP ON YOU.
‫[whispers] ‫BEN'S COMING.
‫- MY BEN?
‫- WHO'S BEN?
‫- DID SHE JUST SAY "MY BEN"?
‫MOM, WHY IS HE YOUR BEN?
‫- DAMN...I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM ‫IN, LIKE--
‫- 15 YEARS. ‫- YEAH!
‫NOT SINCE AFTER-- ‫AFTER JENNA WAS BORN.
‫IS HE STILL FUNNY?
‫- OHH. FUNNIER.
‫- WITH MY DAD ‫OUT OF THE PICTURE
‫AND MY MOM ‫IN A VULNERABLE PLACE,
‫SUDDENLY A HOTEL ROOM ‫OUT OF MY SIGHT
‫DIDN'T SEEM LIKE ‫A GOOD IDEA.
‫I NEEDED SOME CLARITY ‫ON THE BEN SITCH.
‫MOM, ANSWER ME. ‫WHO IS BEN?
‫- LIL' BITCH, ‫WHY DO YOU NEED A PURSE?
‫YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE ‫A BASKET--WHERE IS IT?
‫- DON'T KNOW.
‫- [screams] ‫EMILY!
‫WHERE'S THE FLOWER BASKET?
‫- IT'S...HERE.
‫LET'S SEE, WE HAVE ‫SOMETHING OLD,
‫SOMETHING NEW, ‫SOMETHING BORROWED,
‫AND BLUE. ‫- AND--AND BASKET.
‫I DON'T SEE A BASKET.
‫- THAT WAS ON YOUR LIST!
‫- DON'T WORRY, WE'RE GONNA...
‫FIGURE THIS OUT.
‫AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
‫- I CAN'T HAVE A WEDDING ‫WITHOUT A BASKET.
‫- TAKE THIS!
‫SEE? BIG FLOWER BITCH.
‫BIG BASKET!
‫- THAT IS NOT GONNA WORK!
‫[slurping]
‫- MOM, WHO IS BEN?
‫- SO WE HAVE ‫A LITTLE BIT OF A GLITCH.
‫NOTHING TOO MAJOR, ‫BUT MY ASSISTANT JUST QUIT.
‫DON'T FRET, I'M GONNA ‫FIND SOMEONE TO HELP.
‫I HOPE.
‫- TAMARA CAN ASSIST YOU.
‫- WHAT? WHY ME?
‫- BECAUSE I CAN'T GET THROUGH ‫THIS DAY ALONE.
‫- I PAY CASH!
‫- I AM YOUR SLAVE.
‫- OHH.
‫- WHOA.
‫- EVERYTHING ‫IS UNDER CONTROL.
‫THEY'RE GONNA ‫GET ME A BASKET,
‫AND YOU DON'T NEED ‫TO IMPLODE.
‫- IMPLODE?
‫ALL I ASKED WAS FOR YOU ‫TO DO ONE THING.
‫HOLD A FRICKIN' BASKET!
‫YOU ARE RUINING MY WEDDING
‫JUST LIKE YOU RUINED MY LIFE ‫THE DAY YOU WERE BORN.
‫- APPARENTLY, ALLY COULDN'T ‫GET PAST THE PAST.
‫AND I WAS DONE.
‫- YOU JUST LOST ‫YOUR FLOWER BITCH.
‫- GOOD.
‫- GIRLS, PLEASE.
‫LET'S NOT GET CRAZY.
‫OKAY, WE'RE ALREADY THERE.
‫[dialing]
‫[cell phone rings]
‫- HEY, BABE, JUST BORROWING ‫A SUIT AND I'LL BE ON MY WAY.
‫- FORGET THE SUIT. ‫I QUIT.
‫- [snickering] QUIT? ‫WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU QUIT?
‫- THE WEDDING. ‫- THERE'S BASKETS EVERYWHERE!
‫- WE WILL FIND-- ‫- I JUST WANTED TO MARRY...
‫- ALLY'S LOST HALF HER BODY ‫WEIGHT, ALONG WITH HER SANITY.
‫WE'RE GONNA DO SOMETHING ‫FUN INSTEAD.
‫MY MOM'S STAYING AT THE HOTEL,
‫SO WE'VE GOT THE PLACE ‫TO OURSELVES.
‫- ARE YOU SUGGESTING WHAT ‫I THINK YOU'RE SUGGESTING?
‫- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
‫BUT IF YOU HAVE A DIRTY MIND, ‫YOU'LL MEET ME HERE AROUND 5:00.
‫- I'LL BE THERE AT 4:59.
‫- ALLY! ALLY!
‫- CHANGE OF PLANS, DUDE. ‫I DON'T NEED A SUIT.
‫- GOOD THING, ‫'CAUSE THIS MIGHT BE CURSED.
‫[snickers] LAST TIME ‫I WORE IT WAS TO THE FORMAL.
‫- RIGHT...WHEN YOU GOT ‫DISSED BY THAT GIRL
‫WITH THAT OTHER GUY-- ‫I FORGOT ABOUT THAT.
‫HEY, WHO WAS THAT, ANYWAY?
‫[cell phone playing jingle]
‫- COURTNEY? ‫DON'T YOU WANNA GET IT?
‫- NOT WITH YOU HERE.
‫- UH, OH, HEY, IT'S MATTY.
‫I BEEN THINKING ‫ABOUT YOU ALL DAY,
‫WRITING IN MY DIARY. ‫- HI.
‫YEAH? CAN I CALL YOU BACK? ‫- [kissing noises]
‫- COURTNEY. ‫- YEAH, UH-HUH.
‫I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT.
‫DUDE, REALLY FUNNY.
‫- SO WHAT'S UP ‫WITH YOU TWO, ANYWAY?
‫- EH...SHE'S COOL.
‫- AS IN...GIRLFRIEND COOL?
‫- I'M FEELING IT OUT, YEAH.
‫- WELL, I'M GLAD YOU'RE FINALLY ‫OVER THAT CHICK FROM CAMP.
‫- YEAH, I'M READY TO MOVE ON.
‫- I CAN'T MOVE ON.
‫ALLY'S ALWAYS HOLDING ‫MY BIRTH AGAINST ME,
‫LIKE I HAD SOME CHOICE ‫IN THE MATTER.
‫I HATE HER. ‫- THEN WHY ARE YOU HELPING ME?
‫- BECAUSE I'M A NICE PERSON!
‫[gasps] ‫HIDE IT.
‫NOW THAT I'M OUT, I DON'T ‫WANT A WAY BACK IN.
‫- NO, YOU ARE.
‫[giggling] ‫NO, YOU.
‫RICKY, SHUT IT. ‫I GOTTA GO.
‫WHERE CAN I GET READY?
‫- BY THE DUMPSTER. ‫- THAT'S SWEET,
‫BUT I DON'T HAVE TIME ‫FOR A TOUR OF YOUR HOME.
‫- GUEST BATH ‫IS THROUGH THE KITCHEN.
‫- I CAN'T DO THIS.
‫I CAN'T WORK A WEDDING ‫WHILE SADIE AND RICKY
‫GNAW ON EACH OTHER.
‫I'M INTO PORN, ‫BUT NOT THE TORTURE KIND.
‫- RICKY'S WITH SADIE. ‫HE'S THE ONE BEING TORTURED.
‫- TRUE.
‫RICKY HAS A SADIE.
‫- [gasps]
‫BEN IS COMING!
‫- MY MOM HAS A BEN. ‫WHO THE HELL IS BEN?
‫- HE'S THE GUY YOUR MOM ‫SHOULD HAVE MARRIED.
‫- SO FAR, THERE WERE NO BENS ‫IN MY MOM'S FRESHMAN CLASS.
‫MAYBE HE'S OLDER?
‫- JESUS, YOUR MOM DOCUMENTED ‫EVERY MOMENT OF HIGH SCHOOL,
‫LIKE IT WAS THE BEST TIME ‫OF HER LIFE.
‫- IT WAS.
‫both: SAD.
‫LODE TO THE MOTHER. ‫I STRUCK SCRUNCHIES.
‫- BEN AND MY MOM ‫WERE DEFINITELY A COUPLE.
‫MAYBE THIS IS THE GUY ‫SHE SLEPT WITH BEFORE MY DAD.
‫- RED FLAG: SEE HIS SKIN? ‫OILY.
‫ODDS ARE, ‫HE'S NOW BALD AND FAT.
‫- THEY WENT TO A COSTUME PARTY?
‫SOMETHING CALLED ‫"KID N PLAY"?
‫WHAT IS THAT?
‫- NOT A THREAT.
‫BEN'S DEFINITELY NOT GONNA ‫OUT-HOT YOUR POP.
‫- KID! ‫- PLAY!
‫- THREAT ALERT.
‫- T, GET ME THAT BASKET.
‫YOU SMELL SO GOOD.
‫ARE YOU STILL USING...
‫both: COCONUT BODY WASH.
‫- YEAH. ‫[both laugh]
‫- [forced laugh]
‫REUNION'S OVER. ‫OH, HI.
‫LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT THAT ‫NASTY SKIN CONDITION CLEARED UP.
‫- JENNA!
‫BEN, I AM SO SORRY.
‫SHE IS NOT USUALLY ‫THIS RUDE.
‫- AH, IT'S OKAY. ‫SHE'S SPUNKY.
‫SHE TAKES AFTER HER MOM.
‫- [chuckles] ‫- SOUNDED LIKE A COMPLIMENT,
‫BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT ‫ALL THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT ME
‫ARE DIRECTLY RELATED ‫TO MY DAD,
‫WHO, FOR THE RECORD, ‫IS STILL MARRIED TO MY MOM.
‫- [laughs] ‫- SO...WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
‫- UH, ALLY WANTED ME ‫TO GIVE YOU ALL A RIDE
‫OVER TO THE CEREMONY.
‫- OH, DID SHE? ‫- YEAH, SHE DID.
‫- [laughs]
‫- GOOD NEWS, MOM.
‫WE FOUND THE BASKET.
‫BACK IN THE WEDDING!
‫- THAT IS SO GREAT, SWEETIE.
‫- [snaps fingers]
‫WE NEED TO FINISH ‫GETTING READY.
‫- OH! WELL, BEN, WHY DON'T ‫YOU WAIT IN THE LIVING ROOM?
‫- OR THE CAR.
‫- I W--I WILL GO ‫WAIT IN THE CAR.
‫- OKAY.
‫- AHEM.
‫- WHAT WAS THAT?
‫- WAS I FRAZZLED?
‫I FELT FRAZZLED.
‫I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN...
‫both: 15 YEARS.
‫- I FORGOT HOW HANDSOME ‫HE IS.
‫AND THOSE EYES.
‫WHAT HE COULD MAKE ME DO ‫JUST BY LOOKING A--
‫NO WONDER I FELT FRAZZLED!
‫I LOOK FRAZZLED! ‫WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?
‫- WELL, IT WAS A LITTLE HARD ‫TO GET A WORD IN EDGEWISE
‫BETWEEN HIS STARE ‫AND YOUR DROOL.
‫WHO IS THIS BEN GUY?
‫- HE'S MY EX-BOYFRIEND.
‫- THE ONE WHO SWIPED ‫YOUR V-CARD?
‫- WELL, I WOULDN'T ‫PUT IT LIKE THAT,
‫BUT, YES.
‫THANK GOD FOR THE GIRLS.
‫AT LEAST THEY ‫WERE IN GOOD FORM.
‫SHOOT! I HAVE TO GET READY.
‫OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE HE SAW ME ‫LOOKING LIKE SUCH A MESS!
‫OHH!
‫- THIS IS NOT GOOD. ‫- NO JOKE.
‫BEN'S YOUR MOM'S MATTY.
‫- TAMARA HAD CONNECTED ‫THE DOTS.
‫BEN WAS HOT, HOVERING, ‫AND WAITING
‫TO GIVE MY MOTHER A RIDE, ‫AGAIN.
‫IF HE WAS MY MOM'S MATTY, ‫THEN I WAS IN TROUBLE,
‫AND SO WAS MY DAD.
‫DAD, IT DOESN'T MATTER ‫WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
‫DROP IT AND CALL ME BACK.
‫IT'S AN-- ‫- EMERGENCY!
‫MY WATER JUST BROKE.
‫[car engine starts] ‫- CRAP...BALLS!
‫DAMN IT! ‫[bleep] ME!
‫NOW I HAVE ONE MORE THING ‫TO WORRY ABOUT.
‫- YOU KNOW, MONICA'S ‫GONNA BE FINE.
‫SHE'S ON HER WAY ‫TO THE HOSPITAL.
‫- I'M NOT TALKING ‫ABOUT MONICA.
‫NOW, I HAVE A HOLE ‫IN MY BRIDAL PARTY.
‫- JENNA CAN DO IT! ‫- NO.
‫LIL' BITCH NEEDS ‫TO THROW THE FLOWERS.
‫I HAVE TO HAVE ‫ONE MORE BRIDESMAID.
‫- WHAT YOU HAVE TO HAVE ‫IS A DETOX FROM THE CRACK PIPE.
‫NO ONE IS GONNA BE AVAILABLE ‫AT THE LAST MINUTE
‫ON A SATURDAY.
‫- I LOVE IT!
‫IT'S SO BLOUSY.
‫NOW I CAN HIT THE OL' BUFFET ‫EXTRA HARD.
‫- [giggles] ‫THANK YOU SO MUCH
‫FOR DOING THIS.
‫- AH, OF COURSE.
‫- LACEY!
‫- I NEED A FAVOR. ‫- I'M HERE FOR YOU.
‫- MY DAD ISN'T HERE, ‫BUT MY MOM'S EX IS.
‫HE'S STILL HOT FOR HER.
‫SINCE MY MOM'S ‫AN EMOTIONAL HOT MESS,
‫I THINK SHE MIGHT BE ‫AN EASY TARGET TONIGHT.
‫GET MY DRIFT?
‫- YOU WANT ME TO KEEP ‫THE DUDE DISTRACTED
‫SO YOUR MOM DOESN'T FEEL ‫THE NEED TO REVISIT HISTORY.
‫- EXACTLY. ‫- I DON'T KNOW.
‫- PLEASE?
‫- UGH.
‫LET ME BREAK IT DOWN ‫FOR YOU, J.
‫I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP.
‫OKAY? AND IN THIS ‫BAD-ASS DRESS,
‫I MIGHT HAVE A HARD TIME ‫KEEPING HIS PAWS OFF ME.
‫GOD FORBID HE HIT ‫MY SWEET SPOT...
‫UNH!
‫I CAN'T GUARANTEE ‫I CAN KEEP VIXEN VAL
‫FROM STEPPING OUT ‫ON HER MAN.
‫- I WILL BUY YOU A CAT.
‫PERSIAN?
‫- FERAL. ‫I LIKE TO RESCUE.
‫- BITCH?
‫- IT'S LIL' BITCH.
‫- BITCH.
‫CRAZYTOWN 80 POUNDS ‫WANTS US TO WEAR
‫OUR HAIR IN DOUBLE BUNS.
‫THIS IS NOT GONNA ‫WORK FOR ME
‫AND DEFINITELY NOT FOR YOU ‫AND YOUR BIG LOVE HAIR.
‫CAN YOU REASON WITH HER?
‫- [giggles] NO. ‫DO WHAT SHE WANTS.
‫- AS EXPECTED, ‫YOU'RE USELESS.
‫I'LL HANDLE IT. ‫YOU'RE WELCOME.
‫LISTEN, AUNTIE ATTITUDE,
‫I APPRECIATE ‫THAT THIS IS YOUR DAY,
‫BUT I'M AT MY LIMIT ‫OF CONCESSIONS.
‫I'M NOT GONNA ‫SUCCUMB TO SOME
‫FUGTASTIC ‫FIGURE-SKATER STYLE
‫BECAUSE YOU--
‫- BECAUSE...I...WHAT?
‫- I HATE HER.
‫- WELL, WELCOME TO THE CLUB.
‫- YOUR DAD JUST CALLED ‫AND SAID THERE WAS AN EMERGENCY.
‫WHAT'S WRONG? ‫- BEN!
‫I SAW THE WAY ‫YOU LOOKED AT EACH OTHER.
‫NEED A REMINDER ‫OF THE VOW YOU TOOK?
‫- HONEY, WE'RE OLD FRIENDS. ‫THAT'S IT.
‫SO THERE'S NO NEED ‫TO WORRY ABOUT
‫HOW RIDICULOUSLY HOT ‫HE IS.
‫- MOM!
‫- LADIES, FINAL TOUCHES.
‫AND YOU HAVE ‫A SPECIAL VISITOR.
‫[romantic music]
‫- HEY...WHAT ARE YOU ‫DOING HERE?
‫- I, UH, BROUGHT JAKE ‫MY SUIT.
‫YEAH.
‫- * FOLLOW ME AROUND
‫- UH, HE SHOULD BE ON HIS WAY.
‫SO THE WEDDING'S BACK ON.
‫- IT WAS NEVER OFF.
‫I JUST HAD A MOMENTARY ‫FREAK-OUT.
‫- WELL, YOU LOOK GOOD NOW.
‫- I LOOK LIKE A CREAM PUFF.
‫- [laughs]
‫- HEY, I'M HERE.
‫I'M HERE. HI.
‫HI.
‫WHERE CAN I CHANGE?
‫- UH, THERE'S A ROOM ‫DOWN THE HALL.
‫- GREAT. THANKS, MAN.
‫YOU'RE THE BEST.
‫OH...HAVE FUN TONIGHT ‫WITH COURTNEY.
‫DO SOMETHING I WOULD ‫DEFINITELY DO, HUH?
‫- THEN I GUESS I'M IN ‫FOR A DULL EVENING.
‫- HILARIOUS!
‫- * YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE
‫- EVERYTHING GOOD?
‫- YEAH. ‫THANKS FOR BRINGING THE SUIT.
‫- OH, IT'S WHAT I DO. ‫I PROBLEM SOLVE.
‫AND SINCE THE PROBLEM ‫IS SOLVED,
‫I GUESS I BETTER HEAD OUT.
‫- * ALL THAT I WANT
‫- YOU GUYS ‫LOOK GOOD TOGETHER.
‫- YOU THINK SO?
‫- YEAH, AND I'M REALLY ‫HAPPY FOR YOU.
‫EVEN IF IT DOES ‫STING A LITTLE.
‫- SO HOW'S COURTNEY? ‫- GREAT.
‫YEAH, SHE'S-- ‫SHE'S GREAT.
‫REALLY GREAT.
‫- THANKS FOR ASKING.
‫- MATTY...
‫IT STILL STINGS ‫A LITTLE FOR ME TOO.
‫MATTY AND I FINALLY ‫HAD CLOSURE.
‫AND WHILE IT ‫WAS BITTERSWEET,
‫WE WERE ROOTING ‫FOR EACH OTHER.
‫SO WHAT WAS I WORRIED ABOUT ‫WITH BEN?
‫- WELL, LACEY LOOKS ‫REALLY GOOD.
‫AND SHE'S SEPARATED.
‫I THINK TONIGHT MIGHT BE ‫MY CHANCE TO MAKE UP
‫FOR SOME LOST TIME.
‫- WHERE'S THE FLOWER BITCH?!
‫I'M MARRIED, BITCHES!
‫[cheers and applause]
‫- THIS IS GONNA BE ‫A LONG NIGHT.
‫- CAN I GET YOU ‫SOMETHING TO DRINK?
‫- YES, PREFERABLY ‫WITH SOME KICK.
‫- [chuckles]
‫OH! MRS. HAMILTON. ‫COCKTAIL?
‫- SHE'LL HAVE A SODA.
‫[light classical music]
‫- HONEY, I DO NOT ‫NEED A CHAPERONE.
‫- MM, BUT THAT'S THE THING-- ‫YOU DO.
‫- IF IT ISN'T THE BEAUTIFUL ‫HAMILTON SISTERS.
‫[chuckling]
‫- GROSS. BEN'S TACTICS ‫WERE TACKY.
‫BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, ‫SO WAS MY MOTHER.
‫SO THEY WERE WORKING.
‫- STILL THE CHARMER.
‫- OH! YOU DON'T WANNA ‫DO SOMETHING YOU'LL REGRET.
‫- I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE.
‫EMILY IS SO FAR UP MY BUTT, ‫I COULD TASTE HER,
‫AND IF THAT WASN'T ‫CRAPTASTIC ENOUGH,
‫I CAN'T ESCAPE ‫SADIE AND RICKY!
‫THEY'VE BEEN RAPING EACH OTHER'S ‫FACES ALL NIGHT.
‫I'M GONNA CRACK, JENNA. ‫I AM SERIOUSLY GONNA...
‫MOVE THE WEDDING CAKE.
‫YOU OWE ME. ‫- AND I DID.
‫TAMARA HAD SINGLEHANDEDLY ‫SAVED MY SANITY ALL DAY,
‫AND I NEEDED ‫TO RETURN THE FAVOR.
‫IF SHE COULDN'T ‫ESCAPE HER PAST,
‫THEN I WOULD RECOUNT IT.
‫- DOLL FACE, YOU ARE ‫THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
‫IN THIS ROOM.
‫- AND...
‫- AND I LOVE YOUR FULL LIPS.
‫AND YOUR FULL FACE.
‫AND YOUR FULL A--
‫- WATCH IT.
‫- MIND IF I STEAL HER ‫FOR A SECOND?
‫- ONLY FOR A SECOND.
‫- HEEL. ‫- CAN YOU TONE IT DOWN?
‫TAMARA'S STILL ‫A LITTLE SENSITIVE
‫TO THE RICKY SUCK-FACE ‫SIDESHOW.
‫- OH, NO... ‫I-I'M SO SORRY.
‫I'M NOT.
‫YOU WIN SOME, ‫YOU LOSE SOME.
‫- RICKY MIGHT WANT ‫TO BE WITH YOU NOW,
‫BUT JUST WAIT-- ‫HE'S A CHEATER AND A LIAR,
‫AND WHILE YOU MIGHT ‫THINK YOU'RE SPECIAL,
‫YOU'RE NOT.
‫SO ENJOY THE DELUSION ‫WHILE IT LASTS.
‫- YOU SEEM UNCOMMONLY CALM.
‫- I TOOK A MUSCLE RELAXER.
‫- JUST A MUSCLE RELAXER?
‫- OR THREE.
‫- AL...
‫IT IS NOT TOO LATE ‫TO BACK OUT.
‫YOU HAVEN'T ‫SLEPT WITH HIM YET.
‫IT'LL BE AN EASY ANNULMENT.
‫I THINK YOU RUSHED INTO THIS.
‫- I DID. ‫- WHY?
‫- SO HE WOULDN'T ‫CHANGE HIS MIND.
‫LACE, HE'S THE FIRST MAN ‫WHO'S REALLY LOVED ME.
‫AND THAT'S A FEELING ‫THAT'S HARD TO FORGET.
‫- I KNOW.
‫[pop song]
‫[giggles]
‫- YOU'RE ON. READY?
‫- POINT ME TO THE TARGET.
‫OH, GOD. ‫NO, I CAN'T DO THIS.
‫I WON'T BE ABLE ‫TO HOLD IT TOGETHER.
‫- I KNOW HE'S ATTRACTIVE, BUT-- ‫- HE IS NOT MY TYPE.
‫- PRETEND.
‫- I CAN PRETEND ‫TO BE MANY THINGS,
‫BUT ATTRACTED ‫TO A PRETTY BOY?
‫THAT IS ABOVE ‫THE CALL OF DUTY, J.
‫I'LL JUST KEEP YOUR MOM ‫PREOCCUPIED INSTEAD.
‫- HOW MANY GIRLS ‫HAVE YOU CHEATED ON?
‫- DEFINE CHEATING.
‫- [sighs] ‫- YES.
‫OKAY? YES. ‫I'VE CHEATED.
‫ON EVERY GIRL ‫I'VE EVER BEEN WITH.
‫BUT THEY WERE NOT YOU.
‫I LOVE YOU, DOLL FACE.
‫AND ONLY YOU.
‫- SAY IT AGAIN.
‫- I LOVE YOU, ‫AND ONLY YOU.
‫*
‫- HEY, WHAT'S WRONG?
‫- WHAT ISN'T?
‫I'M DESTINED TO BE ‫AN UNLOVABLE LOSER
‫AND SADIE CAN'T HELP ‫BUT RUB IT IN MY FACE.
‫- YEAH. ‫SHE'S OUT OF CONTROL.
‫- I'M GONNA PUT ‫AN END TO THIS.
‫- I'M PUTTING AN END TO THIS. ‫- TO WHAT?
‫- YOUR WALTZ ‫DOWN MEMORY LANE.
‫JUST BECAUSE ‫MY PARENTS ARE SEPARATED
‫DOESN'T MEAN IT'S OPEN SEASON ‫ON MY MOM.
‫I KNOW YOUR TYPE.
‫YOU LOST OUT, ‫AND NOW YOU WANT HER BACK.
‫BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER ‫WHAT YOU DO,
‫BECAUSE MY MOM ‫LOVES MY DAD,
‫AND SHE WANTS HIM BACK. ‫- POINT TAKEN.
‫- GOOD. ‫- YOU'RE RIGHT.
‫I SHOULD HAVE FOUGHT FOR ‫YOUR MOM WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE.
‫BUT LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES.
‫I MEAN, IF YOU HAVE ‫SOMEONE SPECIAL,
‫DON'T TAKE IT FOR GRANTED.
‫- AND I DID HAVE ‫SOMEONE SPECIAL
‫WHO I'D BEEN TAKING ‫FOR GRANTED ALL NIGHT.
‫WITH THE BEN SITCH ‫PUT TO BED,
‫IT WAS FINALLY TIME ‫TO JUMP INTO MINE WITH JAKE.
‫-YOU OFF THE CLOCK? ‫-NOT QUITE, BUT AT THIS POINT
‫EMILY CAN SUCK IT.
‫- HAVE YOU SEEN JAKE?
‫- HE'S GIVING IT ‫TO SADIE FOR ME.
‫- I LOVE THAT KID.
‫- AND I DID TOO.
‫AND IT WAS TIME TO TELL HIM.
‫RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THEN.
‫[cell phone rings] ‫- COME ON, PLEASE.
‫JUST CHILL OUT.
‫- MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
‫- YOU'RE ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT.
‫- HEY...SORRY I'VE BEEN ‫M.I.A. ALL DAY.
‫I WANT TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.
‫I THINK IT'S TIME ‫WE DITCHED THE RECEPTION.
‫- ME? I'M THE FOOL?
‫UM, SADLY, ‫THAT WOULD BE YOU.
‫WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK TO YOUR ‫BEST FRIEND'S SLOPPY SECONDS
‫AND LEAVE ME ALONE.
‫- EXCUSE ME?
‫- OHH.
‫YOU DON'T KNOW?
‫YOU REALLY ARE THE FOOL.
‫*
‫- YOU'RE A BITCH.
‫AND I DON'T BELIEVE ‫A THING YOU'RE SAYING.
‫- ASK MATTY.
‫HE HAD A PIECE OF YOUR ‫HAMILTON PIE
‫LONG BEFORE YOU DID.
‫- GO TO HELL.
‫- [snaps fingers]
‫- WHERE IS SHE?
‫- SHE'S WITH ANOTHER GUY.
‫- GLAD YOU'RE FINALLY GETTING ‫OVER THAT CHICK FROM CAMP.
‫- YEAH.
‫*
‫- * THE FATE OF THE WORLD ‫YOU LEAVE *
‫- AND ONE MORE THING.
‫I LOVE YOU, JAKE ROSATI.
‫- * MAKING A MOMENT
‫- GONE WERE THE SECRETS ‫AND HEARTACHE OF MY PAST.
‫I WAS LOOKING AT MY FUTURE.
‫- * NOW'S YOUR CHANCE
‫NEXT ON AWKWARD...
‫-WHAT'S WRONG? ‫-US
‫TROUBLE IN PARADISE?
‫- I DON'T THINK SHE'S ‫BEING HONEST WITH ME.
‫- ABOUT WHAT? ‫- THAT OTHER GUY.
‫I JUST HAVE A GUT FEELING THAT ‫THAT GUY'S STILL AROUND.
‫- LISTEN, YOUR DAD'S THE ONE ‫WHO RUINED THEIR RELATIONSHIP,
‫AND IT STARTED YEARS AGO.